Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
