You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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