I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
