The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
