Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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