That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
