I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
