Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
