I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
