If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Randomize
