ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
