I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
