well I can't set my house on fire every night
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
