This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If its not for food we ain't going out.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
