thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
