it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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