Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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