Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
