Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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