i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
