Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
