I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
