Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Small penises have feelings too.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
