am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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