I wannas sexs uuuuu
you didnt know i had herpes?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
