those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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