Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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