Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
