That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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