I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
