I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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