You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
