85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
