Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Why is there bacon in the couch?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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