I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
