Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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