i jhust puked up my retainher.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
