I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
