based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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