There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
