I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
