ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
