No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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