Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
