I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i think my cat just said my name.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
