the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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