we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
