You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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