bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
