walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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