Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You are the jesus of drinking
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
