Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
