I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
