You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
