I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
