So many bounce houses so little time
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
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