I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
